I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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