Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize