Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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