remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
