Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
