Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
cat food counts as protein by the way
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
