Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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