I got chris browned last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Duck Duck Cougar?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
