oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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