how hairy? two words: wookie tits
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
