All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
