I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
