Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize