What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
