Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize