im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
