Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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