My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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