so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
