I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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