It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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