The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
