This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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