she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
