Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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