If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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