He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
