i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
