At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
