just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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