:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
