Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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