please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize