i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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