Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
