too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
