ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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