And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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