No awkward lesbian experiences without me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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