I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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