Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I AM VODKA MAN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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