i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize