i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
