I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize