Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You ate ashes out of my bong
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
