He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
as a side note pls kill me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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