took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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