hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
