my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize