Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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