Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
