omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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