Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
