i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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