Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
