i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
