This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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