I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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