Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize