the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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