SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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