I can tuck mytits in my pants
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
