I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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