chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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