$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
