at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
