The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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