He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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