We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
