no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
