i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
